Good tools ain't cheap and cheap tools ain't good

"Every man in America is a rifleman, and they act as if their rifles were a part of their bodies — always in their hands, always ready." - Unknown British Officer

Happy July Y’all (all southern and shit).

Before we get into the meat and potatoes of this blog post I would like to recognize the upcoming holiday. The day when our forefathers (and for some of us, our ancestors) looked at King George and said “Fuck you”.

I think it looked something like this actually

I suggest that you all celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence with some Chinese fireworks, or if you are extra salty like my daughter and I, you can shoot holes in pictures of the British monarchy.

For all of you who just got all offended…

Eat it, George

recognize that this is literally the most American thing you can do that day. WWSAD (what would Sam Adams do)?

Now that we have that out of the way, we can get onto the week’s topics.

First up

The Wife passed her test and is now a legit biker. We are still working on her biker codename. I’m leaning towards “Scorpion”. It sounds badass, and really that’s all that matters there.

No, but seriously… She did just fine and may start riding her bike to work at Bushwood soon. I think she might dig the commute that way, and it will hep to take a bit of pressure off the truck.

Second

We started eating off the lettuce in the hydrotower yesterday. I also picked the first tomatoes of the year out of the garden yesterday as well.

The tomatillo plant grew so large that I had to improvise a support to keep it upright. It starting blooming a couple of weeks ago and should start producing fruit soon. The basil is also starting to pop. We ate pesto out of our garden last night.

Obviously, not from this plant. I have multiple basil plants growing, as well as the dill. We ate our first harvest off the dill about two weeks ago in my Greek chicken.

Third

Here is a contractually required photo of FarmDog©

As you can see, she is getting into riding motorcycles also. Kids these days…I tell you.

The Main Event: An epic rant

We been doing this whole homestead thing for a couple of years now. In this time we have purchased some power equipment: lawnmower, weedeater w/ attachments, a chipper, a log splitter, and other bits and bobs. All of this kind of gear is really very standard on your average American homestead.

I can tell you right now: if the piece of power equipment you are looking at is for sale at a box store (Lowes, HD, Tractor Supply), you don’t want it. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but trust you me… that bullshit is a waste of money.

The equipment for sale at these places is not what it used to be. Remember when you could spend a couple of hundred bucks on a mower and it would last until the second coming and the Big Guy takes over running the earth and we were all equal in the eyes of YAH? All you had to do was like change the oil every once in a while and you were good right? Yeah…those days are over.

There is even a term for this kind of thing now. They call it “enshitification”.

Enshitification

"Enshitification" is a term popularized by tech critic Cory Doctorow. He originally used it to describe how digital platforms decay over time, becoming bloated, manipulative, or just bad. But the concept applies perfectly to the world of physical products too.

At its core, enshitification is the process by which a product or service becomes worse in order to extract more money or value — not for you, the customer, but for the company.

Are you with me?

Back to power equipment:

The only thing this crap has in common with what used to be sold is the name. It was all bought by “private equity” dudebros, who immediately moved the production to China, Bangladesh, Vietnam, or whichever third world shithole will do it cheapest. Quality was sacrificed in the name of quarter over quarter profits, and reliability became a punchline in some kind of sick joke.

As it turns out, when the slave labor is chained to the machine in a building with literal suicide nets outside to prevent workers from leaving early, quality goes down. Who knew right?

By the way…you fancy little iPhone is made in a factory JUST LIKE THAT.

Example 1)

I spent $400 on a Murray mower when we got here. Not the cheapest, but certainly not the most expensive - ya dig? That piece of shit lasted ALMOST A YEAR. The mower deck was made out of pot metal, I know because it actually cracked from the vibration of the motor running (when you could get the damn thing to start). Don’t worry though, the Briggs and Stratton motor on it was made just about as well. It shook itself apart, and finally stopped running one day. Garbage.

Example 2)

Weedeaters. We bought a Troy Built weedeater with the changeable attachment thingy…you know multiple tools in one right? Who doesn’t want a chainsaw in a stick? I mean…perfect road rage accessory right?

Well, the rings on the piston in that shitrocket failed 1 week after the warranty period ended. Seriously. Apparently, these things are so lowly rated that most small engine guys won’t work on ‘em. Costs more to fix than they are worth.

So here I am with all these attachments and the power head decided to go tits up. We decided to pick up another power head. I figure if I can get a year out of the head, than maybe its not such a bad deal. I mean…I need to cut grass now not later.

What can I say, I’m a product of the California public school system.

This motherfucker right here… well… after 1 hour of work, the gorram carburetor decided that it was done. 1 hour folks. 1 Hour.

So… I pulled the carburetor off and troubleshot it. Turns out it has a bad valve inside it. No fuel for you, roundeye. 1 Hour. 1 Hour. These tiny ass little brass valves are too little to service yourself.

I pulled the parts off the old power head and threw them on and was able to get it to run. Kinda. The carb needed to be tuned. So… I buy the special little tool that does this - it came with another carb and various other bits. Ordered that stuff on Prime on Sunday. Showed up today - cause they didn’t bother to ship till yesterday. Prime. Ya feel me?

Tuned it and it worked great….for like 10 minutes. Ran like a raped ape. Then, back to bogging down. I tuned it again, and same thing. One more time for feeling. That’s a big fucking nope. I will try to put that new carb on it tomorrow. If that don’t work…well I may do something that a bit rash.

“I’m the bad guy?”

While that would certainly solve some of these problems, and probably be very enjoyable, I will more than likely do something more like this.

Example 3)

Stihl Chainsaw. Not for sale at the box store. Runs like a champ. Not problems. Quality work, cuts trees down at a rate that makes Gretta Thunberg have a seizure.

Just sayin. Them Krauts are good at a couple of things, and making chainsaws is one of them. If you are interested in a laugh at the little hypocrite’s expense, I recommend that you click here.

So yeah…buy real tools once, and not bullshit every year.

Avoid:

• Murray

• MTD

  • MTD

  • Troy Built

  • Cub Cadet

  • Craftsman

• Dewalt

• Echo

Buy:

• Stihl.

• Honda.

• Husqvarna (not the big box one it is made differently).

• Makita

Real Tools.

END OF RANT

So thanks for sticking with me to the end of that rant. That is about all I have for you this week. Until we meet again next week, please be careful with explosive devices and come back here with all ten fingers.

Here are your memes.